Full time mom

After seeing Sam blogging about her future plans, I’ve decided to write out what’s in my mind over the past few months, or should I say over the past year!

I have the thought of becoming a much better & committed mom to my 2 kids ever since September 2008. I have often asked myself how would my childhood be if my mother was a working mom – no one to make sure I took breakfast in the morning, no nicely made lunch box with my favorite fried rice & luncheon meat (my fav!), no one to greet me after school, no hot-mom-cooking lunch & dinner waiting on the table once I finished bathing, no one there to spoil me (撒娇 – I can’t recall the word in English). Of course all of these can be done by babysitter, but I can’t imagine myself being taken care by babysitter either! For sure, I’ll be scared of babysitter in someway won’t be the same as with my mom.

I still remember clearly where I played by myself or with sisters when kids time. It is just enough for me to stay beside my mom and knowing she’s there under the same roof even though all the while she’s doing the household chores. (My mom is extremely particular about cleanliness and woke up at 5am every day until now!)

I have been working for 9 years now in this company, my first job and maybe my last??? My attitude and commitment towards my job have drastically changed ever since last year. I just don’t have the “heart” anymore and were often thinking of how much I could do for my kids if I were at home with them during office hour (and of course, blogging!)

Of course, I am worried and even little bit scared of life being stay-at-home-mom. I need to prepare 3 meals each day and make sure my kids are eating right. This I have to put a lot of hard work in it as my cooking skill is bad. My son is a very picky eater and I need double patience to coax him whenever he is with me during the weekends.

Being SAHM will also put some burden and stress onto my husband as we will be financially dependent on him, which I don’t like neither! I may sound over-worried or thinking too much, but who knows about the future? Furthermore, I have 2 kids to look after and what if there’s problem with our financial status? My husband and I have been through a very down time before married whereby his car was almost pulled away by bank, a terribly hard period for both of us. Of course, I need to cut down my budget, which is a big challenge for me on not to shop too often.

Next I’m worried about my EQ. Can I handle both my kids without going crazy? Can I control my temper? I do have a very bad temper. Can I be a good example to my kids? "Everytime I told someone about my plans, usually I got negative feedbacks and questions "huh, you throw away your degree and become a full time mom???" "why you let go a secured job with good pay just to become wong min po?" "you financially dependent on husband - aren't you worried ...?" "Are you sure it's worth it???"

But I guess that I will be happy if my kids are happy to have me around them for 24 hours a day & 7 days a week. Although there’s so many uncertainly in my head and un-confidence in me, BUT I’ve determined to quite my job on this coming November 2009 and starting from December 2009, a brand new life for me & for my kids.

P/S: in case some of you asked, why Nov? Oct end got bonus mah … hahahaha …